By MACKENZIE ISSLER
Recorder Staff
NORTHFIELD — On a cool and sunny autumn day, 17-yearold Kay Lombard put on her white wedding gown of chantilly lace. Her short, dark brown hair was fastened with a flowing, translucent veil.
The church was decorated with baskets of chrysanthemums, fall foliage and potted greens. It was Oct. 22, 1960.
At 3:30 p.m. that day, Lombard picked up her bouquet of white roses, stephanotis and ivy, and walked down the aisle to marry her finance, 23-yearold Harold Snow. Snow waited at the end of the aisle, dressed in a black tuxedo with a white rose boutonniere and black bow tie.
The two said their “I dos” and set off on their week-long honeymoon. Since then, they have raised three children together and have watched them have families of their own. The couple celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary last October and now are “going on 75 years,” joked Mr. Snow.
But, since the two were married five decades ago, opinions about dating, marriage, cohabitation and spousal responsibilities have changed and evolved — some say for the better and others, for the worse.
Taking notice that 72 percent of all adults in the country were married in 1960 and, by 2008, the number had dropped to just 52 percent, the Pew Research Center did research and compiled a report, asking several intriguing questions, like:
◆ Is marriage becoming obsolete?
◆ How much have gender roles within marriage changed?
◆ When it comes to marriage, does love trump money?
The Pew report, done in association with Time magazine, compiled its report after conducting a nationwide survey of 2,691 adults from Oct. 1 to 21, 2010 and including in its analysis half a century of demographic and economic data, drawn mainly from the U.S. Census.
Nearly four in 10 of the survey respondents (39 percent) said that marriage is becoming obsolete. Back in 1978, when Time magazine posed the same question to registered voters, just 28 percent agreed.
Those most likely to agree included those who are part of the phenomenon, 62 percent of cohabiting parents, as well as those most likely to be troubled by it (42 percent of selfdescribed conservatives).
Part of the decline may be explained by the average age at which men and women first marry — it’s now the highest ever recorded.
Also, part of the decline can be attributed to the near tripling of the group that is currently divorced or separated — to 14 percent in 2008 from 5 percent in 1960.
Both the Snows say they feel marriage is not becoming obsolete, but they readily admit that times have changed. When they were dating and engaged, living together and divorce were simply not socially acceptable.
In general, the husband was the breadwinner and the woman stayed at home, tending to the children and house.
“Honey, I’m home,” was a familiar refrain.
Today, people are getting married much older than the Snows. In 1960, 68 percent of adults ages 20-29 were married. By 2008, it was only 26 percent. Mrs. Snow, 67, said she would not like to see people getting married at 16 and 18 years old, like she did.
“At least get into your 20s and get out of school,” she advised.
The Snows first met when she was about 14 years old, when she babysat for her husband- to-be’s family. He was about 20 at the time.
“They thought they had a pretty special babysitter and that was the beginning,” he recalled.
Within weeks, the two were dating. When Mr. Snow joined the service at 22, he was based at Fort Dix in New Jersey, so the two were separated. But when he came back, the two rekindled their relationship and were soon married.
“My sister triggered me,” recalled Mr. Snow, who is now 73.
“She said, ‘You are 23, you better get married and start having kids … you’ll be old man and they’ll be young!’” “I think I was ready to start a family, too,” said Mrs. Snow.
The two described their nuptials as a “normal wedding for the time.” The ceremony, social hour and gifts were all at the Trinitarian Congregational Church in Northfield. Mrs. Snow grew up in Northfield and Mr. Snow in Bernardston.
“She looked like a beautiful woman, period,” recalled Mr. Snow of their wedding day decades ago, as he sat at their dining room in their Northfield home.
She says it hit her that she was really married when they embarked on their weeklong honeymoon. The newlyweds got into their red and white 1955 Chevy and went as far south as South Carolina and as far north as Niagara Falls in New York during their honeymoon road trip.
A week later, they moved into their apartment in Bernardston, for which they paid $35 each month.
The early years
Mr. Snow went to work at Greenfield Motors as a mechanic. Mrs. Snow gave birth to their first child in 1961 and then two more in 1963 and 1968.
“The next ten years were very busy,” she said, recalling days full of scheduling and the transportation of their three children.
The young couple decided that Mrs. Snow would stay at home and raise the children and tend to the house and that Mr. Snow would work — sometimes at three jobs — to support the family.
The Snows said this was how they were raised and that is what was modeled for them. Mrs. Snow now says she thinks it better now for both spouses to work and share responsibilities.
This echoes the Pew report in which 62 percent of respondents said that the best kind of marriage is one where the husband and wife both work and both take care of the household and children. In 1977, 48 percent endorsed this egalitarian template for spousal roles, the report says.
“I think either way is fine,” said Mr. Snow. “I have seen it work well both ways.”
Once their children were in school, Mrs. Snow went to work at Northfield Mount Hermon School and ended up working in the security office as its manager for 27 years. Mr. Snow spent most of his career at Sears on Main Street in Greenfield as manager of the auto center and that’s where he retired.
“I think that working together is a big benefit (of marriage),” said Mr. Snow. “To run the house, it takes two people … the outside work is his job and the inside work is her job.”
“It seems to work OK,” he said.
“It took us a while to figure it out,” said Mrs. Snow. “But, that stuff just falls into place.”
“I’m not saying all 50 years have been perfect,” she said. “Well, about 49 total,” replied her husband, with a grin.
But, when times they have fought, Kay said they usually go their separate ways for a bit and then come back to talk out the issue at hand.
Mr. Snow’s advice to new couples would be one word — respect.
“If you respect the other person, then the other person will come back and do the same for you.”
“If both have respect for each other, you can’t lose.”
Mrs. Snow’s parents were divorced when she was in elementary school, during a time when people didn’t get divorced. She remembers that she would get comments from other children.
“But, now, it is an everyday occurrence.”
In fact, every one of the Snows’ children have been married and divorced.
“We set a lot of bad examples, but not that one,” said Mr. Snow.
Both Mr. and Mrs. Snow attributed the rise in divorces as one of the reasons that people are shying away from marriage.
“They see so many people separated, it discourages them,” said Mr. Snow.
She said she feels that marriage is a very personal choice and that she has read about people who have been together for decades and never been married and “they are fine.”
“Back then, there was no living together (before marriage),” said Mrs. Snow. “You either lived at home, by yourself or got married.”
According to the Pew report, as marriage has declined, cohabitation (living together as unmarried partners) has become more widespread, nearly doubling since 1990, according to the Census Bureau.
In the Pew survey, 44 percent of all adults (and more than half of all adults ages 30 to 49) say they have cohabited at some point in their lives. Among those who have done so, about two-thirds (64 percent) say they thought of this living arrangement as a step toward marriage.
Both Snows say they have no problem with couples cohabiting today; it just wasn’t the norm decades ago.
“I think it is good,” said Mrs. Snow.
“I don’t see any problem with it myself,” said Mr. Snow. “It is a better way of getting to know everything before engaging in something as serious as marriage.”
So why get married?
In marriage, the survey shows, love trumps money.
Asked to evaluate the reasons they wed, married respondents in the Pew survey placed the greatest value on love (93 percent say this is a very important reason, followed by making a lifelong commitment, companionship, having children and, at the bottom of the list, financial stability. Unmarried adults ordered the reasons the same way when asked to evaluate why they would consider getting married.
Here is how Mrs. Snow ranked the same reasons: love, having children, financial stability, making a lifelong commitment and companionship. Mr. Snow also listed love as his top reason for getting married, followed by companionship, making a lifelong commitment, having children and financial stability.
Each were also asked to list the advantages of getting married. Mrs. Snow listed companionship and being good examples for their children. Mr. Snow said companionship, sharing and a beautiful place to live. When asked the disadvantages to being married, they simply said there really aren’t any.
Even with 50 years under their belt, the Snows know that they still have work to do. The two rarely go out, so Mrs. Snow says they have seriously been thinking about starting date nights.
Tacked to Mr. Snow’s barn wall, he keeps a message that he holds close to his heart.
“If you love something, set it free, If it comes back to you, it is yours, If it doesn’t, it never was.”
“Honey, I’m home,” was a familiar refrain.
Today, people are getting married much older than the Snows. In 1960, 68 percent of adults ages 20-29 were married. By 2008, it was only 26 percent. Mrs. Snow, 67, said she would not like to see people getting married at 16 and 18 years old, like she did.
“At least get into your 20s and get out of school,” she advised.
The Snows first met when she was about 14 years old, when she babysat for her husband- to-be’s family. He was about 20 at the time.
“They thought they had a pretty special babysitter and that was the beginning,” he recalled.
Within weeks, the two were dating. When Mr. Snow joined the service at 22, he was based at Fort Dix in New Jersey, so the two were separated. But when he came back, the two rekindled their relationship and were soon married.
“My sister triggered me,” recalled Mr. Snow, who is now 73.
“She said, ‘You are 23, you better get married and start having kids … you’ll be old man and they’ll be young!’” “I think I was ready to start a family, too,” said Mrs. Snow.
The two described their nuptials as a “normal wedding for the time.” The ceremony, social hour and gifts were all at the Trinitarian Congregational Church in Northfield. Mrs. Snow grew up in Northfield and Mr. Snow in Bernardston.
“She looked like a beautiful woman, period,” recalled Mr. Snow of their wedding day decades ago, as he sat at their dining room in their Northfield home.
She says it hit her that she was really married when they embarked on their weeklong honeymoon. The newlyweds got into their red and white 1955 Chevy and went as far south as South Carolina and as far north as Niagara Falls in New York during their honeymoon road trip.
A week later, they moved into their apartment in Bernardston, for which they paid $35 each month.
The early years
Mr. Snow went to work at Greenfield Motors as a mechanic. Mrs. Snow gave birth to their first child in 1961 and then two more in 1963 and 1968.
“The next ten years were very busy,” she said, recalling days full of scheduling and the transportation of their three children.
The young couple decided that Mrs. Snow would stay at home and raise the children and tend to the house and that Mr. Snow would work — sometimes at three jobs — to support the family.
The Snows said this was how they were raised and that is what was modeled for them. Mrs. Snow now says she thinks it better now for both spouses to work and share responsibilities.
This echoes the Pew report in which 62 percent of respondents said that the best kind of marriage is one where the husband and wife both work and both take care of the household and children. In 1977, 48 percent endorsed this egalitarian template for spousal roles, the report says.
“I think either way is fine,” said Mr. Snow. “I have seen it work well both ways.”
Once their children were in school, Mrs. Snow went to work at Northfield Mount Hermon School and ended up working in the security office as its manager for 27 years. Mr. Snow spent most of his career at Sears on Main Street in Greenfield as manager of the auto center and that’s where he retired.
“I think that working together is a big benefit (of marriage),” said Mr. Snow. “To run the house, it takes two people … the outside work is his job and the inside work is her job.”
“It seems to work OK,” he said.
“It took us a while to figure it out,” said Mrs. Snow. “But, that stuff just falls into place.”
“I’m not saying all 50 years have been perfect,” she said. “Well, about 49 total,” replied her husband, with a grin.
But, when times they have fought, Kay said they usually go their separate ways for a bit and then come back to talk out the issue at hand.
Mr. Snow’s advice to new couples would be one word — respect.
“If you respect the other person, then the other person will come back and do the same for you.”
“If both have respect for each other, you can’t lose.”
Mrs. Snow’s parents were divorced when she was in elementary school, during a time when people didn’t get divorced. She remembers that she would get comments from other children.
“But, now, it is an everyday occurrence.”
In fact, every one of the Snows’ children have been married and divorced.
“We set a lot of bad examples, but not that one,” said Mr. Snow.
Both Mr. and Mrs. Snow attributed the rise in divorces as one of the reasons that people are shying away from marriage.
“They see so many people separated, it discourages them,” said Mr. Snow.
She said she feels that marriage is a very personal choice and that she has read about people who have been together for decades and never been married and “they are fine.”
“Back then, there was no living together (before marriage),” said Mrs. Snow. “You either lived at home, by yourself or got married.”
According to the Pew report, as marriage has declined, cohabitation (living together as unmarried partners) has become more widespread, nearly doubling since 1990, according to the Census Bureau.
In the Pew survey, 44 percent of all adults (and more than half of all adults ages 30 to 49) say they have cohabited at some point in their lives. Among those who have done so, about two-thirds (64 percent) say they thought of this living arrangement as a step toward marriage.
Both Snows say they have no problem with couples cohabiting today; it just wasn’t the norm decades ago.
“I think it is good,” said Mrs. Snow.
“I don’t see any problem with it myself,” said Mr. Snow. “It is a better way of getting to know everything before engaging in something as serious as marriage.”
So why get married?
In marriage, the survey shows, love trumps money.
Asked to evaluate the reasons they wed, married respondents in the Pew survey placed the greatest value on love (93 percent say this is a very important reason, followed by making a lifelong commitment, companionship, having children and, at the bottom of the list, financial stability. Unmarried adults ordered the reasons the same way when asked to evaluate why they would consider getting married.
Here is how Mrs. Snow ranked the same reasons: love, having children, financial stability, making a lifelong commitment and companionship. Mr. Snow also listed love as his top reason for getting married, followed by companionship, making a lifelong commitment, having children and financial stability.
Each were also asked to list the advantages of getting married. Mrs. Snow listed companionship and being good examples for their children. Mr. Snow said companionship, sharing and a beautiful place to live. When asked the disadvantages to being married, they simply said there really aren’t any.
Even with 50 years under their belt, the Snows know that they still have work to do. The two rarely go out, so Mrs. Snow says they have seriously been thinking about starting date nights.
Tacked to Mr. Snow’s barn wall, he keeps a message that he holds close to his heart.
“If you love something, set it free, If it comes back to you, it is yours, If it doesn’t, it never was.”
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