Second Hospice Story

(Picture of Robert Brassor)

NORTHFIELD -- Some of the last words that David Brassor's mother said to him were, "Take care of your father."
And, 61-year-old Brassor has taken that charge seriously, and quite literally.
Last November, his father, 95-year-old Robert Brassor, came to live with him and his wife in their Northfield home, which the elder Brassor built and raised his family in. Now, David Brassor is his father's primary care giver 24/7.
When the elder Brassor first moved in, he was much more mobile that he is now. In February, he broke his hip after a fall in his bedroom. An ambulance came and he had surgery, which doctors feared he wouldn't survive at his age.
But, the talkative and friendly old man pulled through. He went to Buckley HealthCare Center for six weeks, but there too, he had a health scare after he got a bacterial infection.
"There were two days when I thought he wasn't going to make it," said David Brassor.
Robert Brassor came back to Northfield in April and that is when it was suggested that the Brassors start using hospice, especially with the elder Brassor's diminishing health.
David Brassor admitted that he once felt a stigma applied to hospice -- that hospice workers were only called in three days before someone was going to die.
But, after talking to Hospice of Franklin County and now experiencing their services and support firsthand, he stands corrected.
Hospice of Franklin County offers an array of services and quality health care with a focus on comfort and quality of life when cure is not an option.
Sometimes the local hospice is called in for people when they have only hours to live, but often they work with patients who have been using their services for months, if not for a year or more.
Patients get to pick what services they want.

With his mother, David Brassor said he put it off and didn't bring in hospice until the last few weeks of her life. "This time I didn't hesitate."
Hospice gives Brassor someone to call 24 hours each day. "It was a godsend to me."
Robert Brassor has suffered from prostate cancer for years and was diagnosed with osteoporosis when he broke his hip. He has poor circulation, so his room is kept at a warm 85 degrees.
Recently, the elder Brassor had some skin infections, so the hospice nurse diagnosed the infection and provided the oral medicines and ointments needed to treat the infection.
The nurse showed the younger Brassor how to apply the different creams and powders. "Without them, I wouldn't have known what to do."
David Brassor also explained that his father has "spells," where he shakes and gets very emotional. "They are very debilitating for him."
Each day, a hospice aide, typically Mary Lee, comes to their Northfield home, where she helps Robert Brassor bathe and shave.
"Mary Lee is more like family to us than a caregiver," said David Brassor. Lee has cared for a few of their other family members during their illnesses.
A hospice nurse visits one a week. All of Robert Brassor's prescriptions are also sent to their home and a spiritual person from hospice comes each week.
When David Brassor's sister-in-law died, a hospice employee came to stay with the elder Brassor so the younger Brassor and his wife could be together for all of the services.
"Hospice just takes care of everything," said David Brassor. "Hospice has probably increased my father's life."
"Hospice isn't for dying it is to ease their life."
The Brassors also get home care from Franklin County Home Care Corp., after being on a wait list for several months. Now, two hours each week, David Brassor can leave the home and go out and do errands. "I am here 24/7 except for the two hours I get from them."
"It is not easy," he said. "If it wasn't for Hospice, Franklin County Home Care, I would almost say I couldn't do it."
This isn't the first time that the Brassors have had experiences with Hospice of Franklin County, especially Barbara Brassor, David's wife.
Two years ago, Barbara Brassor was diagnosed with breast cancer. She has eight siblings. She and seven of her siblings have had cancer. Her older brother died in 1990 and her youngest sister recently died from breast cancer that had spread and left her paralyzed.
Hospice came to take care of Brassor's sister during the last few months of her life.
"This has been a crazy year for us," said Barbara Brassor.
A typical day
David Brassor's day with his father usually starts around 5 a.m. He helps his father out of bed and takes him to the bathroom. There, Brassor brushes his father's teeth, puts in his dentures and hearing aids. He then helps him get dressed, which is usually sweatpants, a white T-shirt and a flannel shirt if it is cold.
Around 6:30 a.m., breakfast is served and David Brassor rotates three different meals for his father. So, he has an egg sandwich, toast and cereal or waffles and sausage. "He has to have his cup of coffee."
"His appetite is gone," said the younger Brassor. "He has very small quantities."
At 8 a.m., the hospice aid comes and bathes and shaves him. He is then helped back to his recliner, where he enjoys a snack and the newspaper.
Meals on Wheels delivers lunch each day, and between meals, the younger Brassor tends to any of his father's medical needs. Robert Brassor takes some kind of medicine every three hours, including pills for pain and his prostate cancer. He spends most of his day in his bedroom in his recliner, napping and watching television.
Supper is around 5 or 5:30. The elder Brassor likes to eat chicken, fish, vegetables and mashed potatoes. After dinner, he gets cleaned up and his son sets up for the night. At |8:30 p.m., Robert Brassor drinks some Ensure, a nutritional drink, is put in bed and talks to his son for a little while before going to sleep.
"In two hours, he calls to go to the bathroom, and every two hours throughout the night," said David Brassor.
David Brassor logs everything his father does on yellow, lined paper. This way, when the hospice nurse comes she will know exactly what Robert Brassor has eaten, when he has going to the bathroom, and more. The lists also helps the younger Brassor make sure he doesn't forget to give his father any of his medications.
Since his father has moved in, the Brassors have been adding space to their Northfield home, including Robert Brassor's bedroom and a sunroom.
They are still doing construction and plan on fixing the floors so they are easier for Robert to walk on, especially because now he uses a walker everywhere he goes.
"We will make everything wheelchair and handicapped accessible," David Brassor said.
His "sweet love"
Robert Brassor was a carpenter for 40 years and his wife, Ruth Brassor, who died in March 2009, was a nurse.
"You never saw them not holding hands," said Barbara Brassor. "We figured when she went, he wouldn't last more than a few weeks."
"He wants to see his sweet love," said David Brassor, who often hears his father talking to her.
He said his parents had lived together for about a decade at the High Rise in Greenfield. He described his parents as "excellent" caregivers when he was a child.
He said he had some birth problems and was in an oxygen tent for the first six months of his life. He said he wasn't an easy child to care for in early years. "I keep telling my dad, you took care of me for five years and I'll take care of you the last five years."
"He loves his great grandchildren," he said. The elder Brassor has four that range from a few months to 7 years old.
"I like to rock the little fellows," said Robert Brassor, as he sat in another recliner in family's living room.
The elder Brassor loves having visitors and asks every day where his grandchildren and great grandchildren are.
"The hardest thing about seeing my father this way is knowing it bothers him," said David Brassor. "He doesn't want to be a bother."
"This is just part of life," he said. "It is really not a burden."
"It is just hard seeing your father like this."
"It is like having kids all over again," said Barbara Brassor.
They have had to give up some of their freedoms. They can't just decide on a whim to go out for a bite to eat or to see a movie. They took the elder Brassor to Florida last year, but they won't be making the drive this year.
Barbara Brassor has picked up some extra hours at the Town Hall, where she is the tax collector, treasurer and collector for the sewer department. David Brassor just got his certification as a primary care assistant, so he is now able to contribute to the family's finances. Before taking care of his father, he worked at Sandri Oil Co. as a truck driver, until he tore his rotator cuff and had to stop working.
But, even with some of the sacrifices, both David and Barbara Brassor said they wouldn't have it any other way and they love having the elder Brassor with them.
David Brassor explained that another reason that he thinks his father has lived so long is his strong faith.
In fact, Brassor explained that his father has been to Heaven's gates and back, that his father was told that he had something to finish back on Earth.
"I'm not afraid of him dying because I know he made it past the gates," he said. "We'll be sad, but happy my parents will be together again."